Still no word on the video. And Ninja he was my cousin. and people tend to expect some form of drunken stupidity from me at such events. More often than not, I receive a written warning on my invitation to such events, and receive several phone call pep talks from concerned relatives...."Hey, mr so and so is going to be there my boss....please do not take your wiener out at my wedding"

Funny thing is, is at this same cousins last party I was also really really drunk and grabbed the mic and told everyone I was going to auction off a new style of Armstrong bracelet, the donations would be going towards needy kids. Half of these people I had never met before. So I sat on the couch and pulled my hog taught like a watchband over my wrist to show people the new bracelet. You would be pretty surprised at how similar it looks to a bracelet in the dark, and you would be also surprised to see how many people came close to trying to move it to see the armstrond inscription. Most of his friends didnt find much humor in it. But theyre kinda the pretentious pretty people type.

Also at the same party, I was making some small talk in the kitchen whilst getting some beer and this guy says yeah im married, and then proceeds to point to his wife on the other side of the room (she waves back) and then I say yeah Im married....to that fat fu@k right there in the pink outfit ( not my wife by the way)..The pin drop record scratch moment. No sooner did i say it that I realized that he may be here with those people...sure enough. He says with a he he he not so funny uncomfortable laugh."Yeah that is my wifes best friend and roommate." We are staying with her tonight.......then i uncomfortably laugh...and say what else, the only thing I could say? "Whoops"...he says no problem. I walk away and dont speak to him the entire night.

Oh and and that same party I may have seen the funniest thing I have ever seen in my entire life....Speaking of bad dance moves. My cousins friend Jim (not very pretentious like the others) and his new girlfriend were jokingly dancing (most of us were not, we were just standing right next to him talking. In another one of those "what in the holy fuk were we thinking things (this time not me luckily) this girl decides that she is going to jump up onto Jim in the spread eagle and grab Jims hands so that jim could dip her or something (I can only assume). I think it is a swing move or something. about 10 people just watch in absolute amazement as this girl jumpsup....I dont know what Jim was doing or thinking at the time, but he sure wasnt on the same page as she was cause she basically jumped full force onto her back and head on a concrete floor. Right there in front of us. The music was loud, but not nearly as loud as the hollow coconut sound that a head makes when it hits concrete. That sound could gag a maggot off a meat wagon. She lay there whimpering like she had just been half blown apart by a landmine. Had I not been laughing so hard (everyone else was concerned, and worried and what not) I would have fukn puked. she went from

  From This               to this

In 1 second flat

I damn near pissed myself.

I'll add onto your story with some funny a$$ sh*ta of my own the same weekend.  It's kinda NFL related.

So last Friday my good friend finally gets a night away from his old lady, so we decide to take the trip up north to Fort Collins to party at some bar spots that he delivers beer to now that he works for Coors.  We head up there with another friend and hit up tailgate tommy's.  Place is busy and we end up talking to some hot bartenders that my friend knows and they start pouring the free drinks.  I drink a lot more than my friends being an alcoholic so I start having a field day on the free for all at the bar.

About 7 shots of Tequilla (which I never really drink), 7 coronas and a couple local microbrews I'm pretty much trashed as fuk.  After trying to get a ton of hoes to come home with me (with not much luck) I stumble upon a couple unhappy guys who's ladies I was spitting at earlier and sh*t talking starts to fly.  By now I'ts like 1:30 and the place is packed.  Someone from security pretty much tells me it's time to leave, so I storm out of the place.  I don't know Fort Collins for sh*t so I'm walking around trying to get ahold of my boy on his cell phone.

I'm sitting on the curb waiting for him to come pick me up and next thing I know some clown takes issue with the fact that I am decked out in black and gold (it's not a normal day if I don't get a dirty look or a verbal confrontation with a donkey fan).  I get up and a ton of sh*t talking starts to fly.  He gets in my face and next thing I know my boy turns the corner.  We are right in front of a Gyro stand and there are all kinds of people in line.  My friend loves to fight and pushes me aside to get in this guys face, gets pushed by the dude and then my friend goes to town on this pu$$ies a$$.  After getting beat down he gets back up and I decided to get my shots in so I punch him and then stomp on his face.  Unfortunatly by now the cops have drove up behind us and saw me kick the dude in the face so me and my friend promply get tackled and cuffed.

Meanwhile, this dumba$$ trys to run away while we are on the ground and being the big a$$ oaf we was stumbles and goes head first into the Gyro stand grill.  The scream from the guys mouth will always be ringing in my ears.  Dude has to go away in an ambulance for burns and we walked away with disorderly conduct tickets.

Call me PacMan Wallace.

And this all comes after I was arrested for DUI 2 weeks earlier.

My brother now calls me ChrisTurdio.

Iowa I disagree. What manly man ever made up rules in a streetfight? There is nothing sad about punishing a stupid fuk for endangering your well being for something so simple as a gold shirt?

Want to know what my rules are?

1.) if you are getting loud with me or arguing with me in any way about anything do not come within punching distance. It's not that I have any intention of fighting you, but If you do this when we are arguing I am going to assume that we are eventually going to fight. I hit first and ask questions later. If you penetrate that barrier I am going to knock you out first. Nothing will prevent a knock down drag out lawn furniture grabbin bottle over the face breaking girl jumpin on my back while im fighting, broken teeth, gashes and knife wounds brawl...then a lighting quick knockout shot to the temple. That way we both save ourselves the hassle of cops and hospitals right? You get a headache and a lesson, I get my pretty face and everything is kosher.

2.) if by some chance I end up in a fight with you I am going to assume that you have friends nearby and this is going to escalate into something very chaotic and uncontrollable and I am going to get hurt. Nothing angers me more than people doing things that potentially endanger my life. I like to make those choices for myself (and regularly do). So I have no qualms whatsoever with using a prop or two to put you down quickly. You see Iowa, I am pretty, and I intend to stay that way. I am going to assume that you are going to try to make me un-pretty, therefore I am going to get you first before you, or one of your buddies do it first. Plus, I am going to worry about one of your friends coming from the top rope.

So Iowa, you can stick to your feel good "street fight code of ethics", but how many people that you know that are out brawling on a saturday night are going to observe the same set of principles as that of you?...Let me answer that for you. NONE. Not one. Your ethics don't mean sh1t when a lamp is cracked over your head or you catch a blade in your belly. You absolutely have to assume those things are going to happen. Err on caution...So protracted mano y mano fights though very noble and dignified, are very rare in uncontrolled environments, and no amount of Judo training is going to prevent some idiot or group of idiots from doing something to you that doesn't fall into this imaginary ethical street fight credo. Strike first, strike hard,and live longer than that guy and prettier.

And yes I know you do Judo.....I wrestled in high school and college. I am a big boy. In a street fight nothing matters but being able to walk away with as little damage as possible.

My philosophy on the final kick to the face thing....anyone dumb enough to start sh1t with me for wearing a gold shirt deserves to eat fukn Nike. My guess is that a person like that has eaten the proverbial Nike sandwich before. Is it wallace's fault that this fukwad bellied up to the proverbial sammich stand again and got served and extra helping? I think not. As for the grill. Thats all I have to say is "Justice is served". That is fukn hilarious. If Wallaces story is correct, then that stupid c0cksucker got exactly what he deserved ....a big fat shoe sammich to the eye with extra blood and a side order of grilled eyelashes and topped off with a fried bologna cheek.

First of all:

GoBears is right on all accounts.  I'm wasted.  He's wasted.  And no this had nothing to do with  the University of Iowa .  It was spicifically "Steelers suck, I'm gonna kick your a$$."

When you are twice my size and twice the size of my boy (I am 5'9 150 my boy is 5'9 165? and this clown was 6'4 250) street fight rules when everyone is wasted get thrown out the window.  This guy is out of control, and there is no telling what can go down.  He actually did have friends in the area but the didn't want it with us and instead waited for the cops to show up and then claim the "those two guys jumped our friend."

There are no rules in street fights.  Period.  If you are going to start sh*t with me because of my football team your a$$ is stupid.  The initial punch I landed was while the guy was upright; the kick happened while he was going down to the ground.

By the way GoBears, unfortunately for him it wasn't a pair a nike's.  It was a pair of Lugz boots.

And the entire point of the story wasn't about how the guy got beat down.  it was about the fact that the idiot tried to run from the cops and ended up face first into a steaming hot gyro grill.  If that isn't funny as f*ck you need your pulse taken.

you guys missed the point.....GoBears me and you are much the same in our street fighting....get within my arm reach during an arguement and you're hit period....an I agree once crap gets started it is no holds barred for sure..

as the story went....his buddy beat down this guy....while he was down he got his shots in....guy already took a thumping and old Braveheart going to get his shots in while he was down...sorry...total lack of respect

Honor in a street fight?....are you serious?...LOL...from me?..Lmmfao...you guys definitely don't know me very well....that honor crap ends at the end of the Judo mat....Judo is a sport, and therefore taken as a sport....my highest belts are in Ju Jitsu (Brazilian/Taiho/Haka Ryu/Minami Ryu) and the only rule is win...a true warrior will use whatever is at hand to win a fight...as will I. I bite, gouge, pull hair, head butt,..... One of my favorite tactics is to ask a guy to step outside...when the idiot walks out the door, punching him in the back of the head and then bulldogging him down and bouncing his grill of the sidewalk, fight is generally over then....honor in a fight...LOL...don't count on alot of that if you roll up on me.

here is the situation from my angle...it was your fight...dude got in your face...you let your buddy kick his azz, cool, it then became your buddies' fight...what the hell are you doing getting your shots in afterwards? If you wanted to fight the guy why did you let your buddy step in? I don't take sloppy seconds...no matter how hot a girl was or how big some guy was, it aint my bag baby

I have swatted more than one friend for stepping into one of my situations....whether  I am picking up a woman or picking a fight....I'M doing it, don't need no help. If after I kick someones ass, then someone else jumps in to get his licks in, I'm pissed....it just went from I kicked his azz to WE kicked his azz, without my "buddy" even taking a chance on getting hit..pardon me for commenting...I just caught the smell of chicken sh*t for the moment

now....the guy frying grill on the grill....yeah thats funny...should of just left the details of the fight out Christine!

 PS....when you hit him it DID make it those 2 guys beat his azz, without it your buddy just whipped that big guy.....I'm not a big guy either, about the same size as you....in my experience it isn't the big guys you have to worry about...double that when they are drunk!

Like I said...whether i am hitting on a blonde or pounding some dumbazz....if i needed help I would ask....unasked for help is meddling....I take out some 6'6" 300 pounder in a matter of seconds, the last thing i want is someone stealing my thunder (plus I could end up paying for damage friend causes)

maybe chickensh*t was excessive, but I don't think so, if Wallace wanted to vent, guy was giving him a PRIME op, sack up...step up... and drop him. My friend rolls up into this and I tell him straight up....I got this, step back. Most of my friends know once I am at this point, it is time to step back or get knocked the phuck back....don't matter much to me at that point. I am slower to anger these days, and i can usually deal with a drunk without hurting him, so I rarely find myslef in these fixes anymore

I agree with you totally....guys friends were complete turds...stand there and watch your boy get worked by 2 guys.... unthinkable. One of my friends start something with someone and gets his azz kicked one on one....cool, wouldn't step in unless it started to get excessive.

Hey Erik....I got a better finish to that move since you're a big guy, I rarely get into it with anyone smaller than me (5'8" 175, built like an ape....arms hang down damn near to my knees...seriously) but when I have, instead of the bulldog, finish by grabbing them up like a surfboard from behind and dive to the concrete, just a nice flying tackle with you up top....a guy in the 260 zone like you would inlfict some serious damage with the help of a little touch of sidewalk...you'll definitely have his attention

a damn fair question...I will be 46 in October...the only bar I frequent anymore is across the street from my house, and that is to play euchre and Texas Hold em. Since getting my first black belt in 95, I rarely drink to excess anymore, and since I don't get sh*tfaced drunk anymore and rarely go to bars, it seems fights have dropped off amazingly also....that and I now just try to discourage someone instead of trying to hurt them... (watched a friend of mine lose his 63 vette, his house, and 2 Harleys to stay out of prison for wrecking a guy who had hit him first in front of over 50 witnesses) I have had to arm bar a few people to the floor, but I no longer use any finishing moves on them....too much to lose nowadays!

I did most of my fighting before I started martial arts...used to box a little silver gloves and wrestled in high school, so that and testosterone made me kind of a dickhead, but I'm feeling much better now!... LOL... I like to think I've outgrown it anymore.

GoBears lives in Chicago....no one takes thier car to the bars there...everyone takes a cab...or walks, as far as fights....it's Chicago...if there wasn't a gun used i don't think they even fill out a report.

I will say that this was not really a street fight as much as it was a college town fight.  I used to live in North Jersey and believe me Fort Collins is nothing more than a bunch a drunk people walking around, not the hood.  I know what the real hood looks like, and I'm not trying to say that's where this sh*t went down.

My girlfriend lives in what is about as hood as Denver gets, down around federal and alameda.  I keep to myself around there.  This was strickly college town drunken bullsh*t.

I maintain that the entire reason I posted the story is because his dumba$$ went face-first into a Gyro grill and then got hauled off in an ambulance.