ripping ESPN PERSONALITIES

Date: 06:54 PM Aug 26, 2006

ripping ESPN PERSONALITIES

Christopher Wallace · Head Dick

How about you start with Steve Young, and then work your way to Michael Irvin. After than, I want Pastabelli and Trey Wingo taken care of.

-- Edited by Christopher Wallace at 22:55, 2006-08-26

-- Edited by Christopher Wallace at 22:55, 2006-08-26

stevo · One Testicle Guy

Dan Patrick is kind of a snot nosed punk. I really do enjoy Kornheiser and Salsbury, but not b/c either are knowledgable football analyst, but b/c they are entertaining. Salsbury particulary b/c he makes all his comments on pure emotion and no real substance. I've grown used to know real substance on ESPN anyways and he's fun to watch.

saturn11 · Head Dick

stewart scott tries SO HARD to be hip with his "all up in his grill", watered down, outdated, subrbanite rap speak, it's embarrassing. and pft began pointing out his overuse of the "other side of the pillow" thing over a year ago.

kenny mayne? i've never seen anyone more consistently awkward and unfunny while doing deadpan comedy in my life.

berman, with his "woop!!" noise, EVERYTIME a RB eludes a defender? not only is it annoying, but it got old after the second time he did it!!!

the worst part? these dudes REALLY THINK they are the COOLEST.

thank you for letting me vent, anonymous.

i needed that.

Date: 02:42 PM Aug 27, 2006

great reply mr. saturn-- my angle today is how espn so called pros try to sway the sporting public's opinion for their networks' benefit. case in point--barry bonds--we all knew early on what he was up to and the public said no dice-- no record, no parade, not on our watch. not espn-- they tried a 100mph to shove a phony hr march down our throats--why, because they have billions in tv baseball market invested, they wanted to promote their cheesey bonds on bonds show, they wanted us to believe that we were witnessing history being made, we were watching the greastest ball player of all time--right there that's what really makes me laugh-- baseball in particular--if you have no world champions to your credit--you have a lifetime playoff batting avg. around .200 and by all accounts you piers of all people can't stomach you--your not the greatest. but yet, it takes espn till '06 to relent, when we the public washed our hands by'04--conclusion, the network is just plain out of touch, out of the loop, out of time.

The Truth · Kick Asser

The way T.O. is going he'll have a spot on ESPN in about 3 weeks.

Date: 06:19 AM Aug 28, 2006

thank god there are others who feel the way i feel. i could go on and on about how much the people on espn suck, but here are just a few examples. I am a fantasy nerd, so i watched their preview show before the mnf game last week. these guys had no idea what they were doing, it was horrible. and these guys are experts? they may know the x's and o's but they didnt know anything about fantasy. also, their radio personalities are horrible. i always listen to sports talk radio because i love sports. however, they do nothing to capture my attention on that network. whether its mike & mike, aka bert and ernie, jason smith overnight, who i believe should be stocking shelves at the local walmart or the gamenight programming, which often contains a woman. oh yeah, espn thats what i like. i like talking about sports with girls. in conclusion, i like fox sports radio a ton better, especially in the morning. thats about it, im getting a beer.

GoBearsGalason · Head Dick

I don't like his tie, his hair is stupid, He makes stupid jokes, . ...oh ferfuksakes you should read some of your own bs

1.) Who fukn cares whether or not Berman makes up more of his schtickity Schtick bullsh1t names and stupid noises. It is what it is, and hes been doing the same fukn thing since I can remember. And yeah some of them are indeed dumb and fukn cheeseball, but the guy is an icon and has lasted. His reporting style will never get old.

2.) Just as I find watching people run their own heads into walls over and over again and it never seems to lose its charm, a few of these guys are just that. Hilariously bad to the point of entertaining.....how can you complain about Mike Patrick? The guy is retarded to the point of hilarity. God forbid some second squad waterboy run for an 80 yard touchdown with a juke. You would have thought the guy was impaling babies with his flesh sword on public tv with his reaction (DID YOU SEE THAT!!!!!!!!!!! GOLLY GEE SHCUKS THE GUY IS AMAZING!!!). I officially gave up on him when he stated that he believed Reuben Droughns was the best back in the league...and so as not to give the impression that he made a mistake in voicing that opinion, he repeated it to a stunned Joe Theisman. Goddamn I'm gonna miss the Sunday night crews stupidity. Paul Meguiar sounds like a fukn muppet. Everytime he speaks he makes me laugh. And then you Have Theisman....you would think that he announces on coke or extasy with the amount of affection that he displays for active players, and he absolutely fawns over any injured players

3.) What is the right announcing formula? What is a great pairing or team in the booth? What was the last great pair of announcers that graced the football scene?

Hey, and yeah I'm 28 years old, so don't go all into some 1960 howard cosell bullsh1t. Keep it modern 80's on up.?

-- Edited by GoBearsGalason at 13:19, 2006-08-28

-- Edited by GoBearsGalason at 13:23, 2006-08-28

-- Edited by dante at 19:32, 2006-08-28

twanne · Kick Asser

Greatest booth pairing? Summerall/Madden. DONE! Hefty nod goes to Greg Gumbel/Phil Simms. Greg knows enough not to get in the way of the game and Phil is like freakin Nostradamus in predicting what plays are next. As to the ESPN guys, they are totally in "I'm Keith Hernandez" mode, but they've earned it. ESPN has juggernaut status. just like the other Conneticut goliath, WWE. When you control the world in which you work, you can do WHATEVER YOU WANT!!!!

hark44 · Kick Asser

i like berman... he brings back great memories of watching ESPN for about three hours straight, on monday mornings/afternoons, lounging in bed, drinking coffee and ignoring proffessors' phone calls when I should have been in political thought or marketing class.... i didn't learn much about business or politics those 16-18 mondays a year... but i sure knew what was going down in the NFL... and that sound brings it all back everytime... whoop....

Burgh1979 · Head Dick

I dont know how a true football fan could rip Berman, the jack@ss who needs to be shot is Joe Theisman, they should put LT on the Monday Night team and let him hit Theismann in the knee every time he says something stupid...However, Berman is a football Icon...

saturn11 · Head Dick

yeah, berman's an icon. true enough.

his act is really effin' tired.

that's true enough, too.

this whole, "they're successful, so they can do whatever they want" attitude is bunk, too.

that attitude breeds complacency. the best never rest on their laurels. those guys have been resting on their laurels for years now, using the same tired crap over and over again.

whoever says these guys are hilarious at this late date has a sense of humor that's been outdated for at least 5 years.

do you still walk around saying "what's uuuuuuuuuup", too? that was funny for awhile....when clinton was president. you might as well walk around saying "sit on it" or "dynomiiiite!".

-- Edited by saturn11 at 21:02, 2006-08-28

User Name · Head Dick

my rip on theismann...

he spends over half of the dallas preseason game (against the Saints) talking about nothing but T.O. then says what a distraction he is...

here's a clue, Joe, STFU THEN! if he's only out for attention, why are you pandering to his demands for it?

total idiot.

saturn11 · Head Dick

By the Way! the idea of having LT sit next to theisman to keep him in line is....as they say in the biz...GOLD.

that's AWESOME.

and yeah, there are icons with tired acts like Boomer, and then there are annoying pi$$ant, never-wuz, losers like Joe. At least Berman made something for himself...sure, he's been going to the same well, but he's MILES above a wannabe like theisman.

-- Edited by saturn11 at 21:07, 2006-08-28

timmy1 · Mr. Big Nuts

mr. bit nuts-it goes " that's gold jerry,gold" a great line from the steinfeld show- but yeah, you've hit that right on the head. heres the thing, you've got to know that al micheals and john madden are laughing their asses off about this hidius mess of a broadcast crew that the 4 letter network has come in with--did you watch the cinn vs. gb thing-- unbearable-- my only answer as it now stands is to get my audio from westwood1 radio and watch tv in mute mode-- dead serious. and who's that man woman on used as sideline reporter--some barfly slut that wanders the parking lot after last call?

timmy1 · Mr. Big Nuts

another thing--tony kornholer--when your staff offers you a salivating plate of special ohio chili on national tv-- have some nads and eat it--you bleeping bleep--that's like doing a game in kc and saying you won't eat their bqed ribs-- way to man up you sad sack!!!!

saturn11 · Head Dick

timmy1 wrote:

mr. bit nuts-it goes " that's gold jerry,gold" a great line from the steinfeld show-

duder, thank you for the sit-com 101 lesson. When someone describes an idea as "Gold" they're not necessarily quoting THAT episode of Seinfeld. The phrase wasn't invented on that show. it's been around forever.

also, my handle's "Saturn11", not Mr. "Bit Nuts".

if you keep posting, you, too will someday have a pair of "Bit Nuts".

meanwhile, keep watching "Steinfeld".

i agree with all your points about Kornholer, btw.

ps: why don't they call it Round-tine?

-- Edited by saturn11 at 20:28, 2006-08-29

timmy1 · Mr. Big Nuts

saturn11--you'll think as you please--but dude there was no slight intended on your title--i simply miss typed bit for big as i saw big nuts under saturn11 and failed to proof read--we good? just messin on the term gold--the line quoted just popped in my tiny brain when i read your gold line. i'm just having fun cracking on and reading the s--- were all throwing out there--and i'm geeked up about how the vikings are looking--totally surprised by the way--except for the freaking uniform change--the organization can't be serious--change them back yesterday!!!! ps.- i didn't exactly name myself put punk boy under my name either, but i couldn't give a damn--i say just keep writing columns until we wipe out the 4 letter network or get them some head to head competition--whatever comes first! late

Wake Turbulence · Half A Man

Timmy, don't know if this helps, but the "punk boy" title is a reference to the amount of posts that you have. It should change @ 5 posts or so. The title's of the people are a direct reflection of how many posts they have in their count, or so it seems.

Take care and the guys here are cool as hell.

GoBearsGalason · Head Dick

Cincinatti Chili is the worst Chili on the face of the earth. Boiled ground beef? Get the fuk out of here. That garbage is like eating spicy oatmeal. Total waste of meat. That recipe was cooked up by bums or something. Yoy absolutely need the spaghetti, cause you would fukn gag without it.

Nas-ty

lost in iowa · Head Dick

please....boys...if you're going to talk chili...it has to be green chili and you best have that azz in Texas or Mexico. Chili is an art form in Texas, some of that stuff beer wont even cut...unreal

saturn11 · Head Dick

timmy...the JERKSTORE called, and they're runnin outa YOU!

just kiddin'. no worries, really....we're cool. we always were!

i was just havin' some fun back-atcha w/ that post. my response was basically 'cuz I enjoyed the back and forth you started.

and it's true, this IS a really good message board with alot of insightful talk. i'm not a message board type guy because they're usually off the charts with posts that read like this.

" U R gay "

not exactly my idea of football talk, ya know? but here, it's different. nobody's obsessed with "winning" an argument, and there is GOOD football talk.

basically, yeahman, we good.

-- Edited by saturn11 at 14:26, 2006-08-30

phole · Head Dick

aww...group hug.

Rmattsenseny · Half A Man

No amount of piling on is too much where Stu Scott is concerned. I dive for the remote/mute button everytime he opens his mouth. The tired 'keepin it real' slang he runs is beyond irksome. However compared to Michael 'crack-pipe' Irvin, he sounds like a brain surgeon. ESPN avoided the unholy trinity only by the NFL network's hiring of Deion Sanders. Hey, somebody has to pimp T.O. on the NFL network too!

You can throw Anderson and Van Pelt in the overly smarmy/cutsie category as well.

As for Berman, does anybody really think his tired act is still funny?

twanne · Kick Asser

saturn11 wrote:

yeah, berman's an icon. true enough. his act is really effin' tired. that's true enough, too. this whole, "they're successful, so they can do whatever they want" attitude is bunk, too. that attitude breeds complacency. the best never rest on their laurels. those guys have been resting on their laurels for years now, using the same tired crap over and over again. whoever says these guys are hilarious at this late date has a sense of humor that's been outdated for at least 5 years. do you still walk around saying "what's uuuuuuuuuup", too? that was funny for awhile....when clinton was president. you might as well walk around saying "sit on it" or "dynomiiiite!".

-- Edited by saturn11 at 21:02, 2006-08-28

Hey, i'm not defending them for their complacent attitude, i'm just explaining why they have said attitude. When you are on top of the mountain and there is nobody either trying or capable of knocking you off, there is little motivation to get better. So we end up with the same old shtick from virtually every espn personality, hence the "Ripping ESPN Personalites" topic. Personally, I could'nt care less about HOW they tell me the information, (except Theismann, I HATE THEISMANN!!!) just as long as the scores and stats are correct, that's what matters.

causeiambetta · Half A Man

i hate stephan A smith, freaking jackass. Stu Scott is horrible but atleast he's not yelling at me. Michael Irvin is horrible but at least was a great player in his time

Vanni9283 · Head Dick

You mean Screamin' A Smith??? lol!!!

saturn11 · Head Dick

yeah, steven a. smith is a little pi$$ant, not worth the bother, but he seems to think that appearing to be bothered by everything is the way to sound like he's right.

HE SEZ EVERYTHING AT YOU LIKE

THIS!!!!! as if he's more important than Malcolm X. But he comes off more like Nat X (the Chris Rock SNL character w/ a 'fro) instead.

Whether it's really important or not, it's all important [to him] if it's coming out of his mouth.

twanne · Kick Asser

I have to defend both Irvin and Screamin A. At. least they have the cojones enough to have and voice OPINIONS! Wrong or right, they both say what they think instead of parroting the party line. Hell, one of my favorite moments was when Irvin told Keyshawn that he was the rarest of creatures, A black, 6 foot 3, slow, number 2 possesion receiver. CLASSIC!!! and true.

causeiambetta · Half A Man

No one ever questions Irvins' 'cajones', he just gets too annoying after awhile. We don't need guys who speak out of both sides of their mouths. Irvin's actually really really good on the radio. Him and Dan Patrick have a funny chemistry on dan's show. But once its TV, he becomes a jackass.

steven A smith doesn't have balls. None. He's just pulling the Angry Black Man shtick. Theres nothing behind his opinions. No substance. Nothing but Angry Black Man.

He's like a wind up toy, when the camera or mic is on him, he gets all energetic and Mad.
Doesnt matter what, what sport or if he knows anything about it, he's got an opinion. Hes MAD as hell. And he's gonna let us know whats up. Smith a total fake.

And if the barest hint of racial issue comes up, and i'm talking about smallest of chances, Angry Black Man eats his spinach and goes ape****

-- Edited by causeiambetta at 12:48, 2006-09-05